Understandable missteps in blended families
- Proclaiming “we are one big happy family” by the adults will be heard as a script that now must be followed, or covertly rejected. Children know the truth. If the blended family is happy it will require no announcement or proclamations. Happiness and contentment will speak loudly for themselves.
- The step parent heartily confesses “I know i am not their mom/dad and I will never replace their absent parent” and yet tries too hard at playing the parent or friend role anyway. Step sons and daughters may really like the “new” husband or wife. The children may genuinely enjoy the adult company. But when step-mom or step-dad over-step boundaries – too much too soon – the confusion the children express will be experienced as rejection.
- There is a tendency among blended families to over-supervise, to repeatedly check if everyone is doing well with the new family arrangement. There is a tendency to over-structure relationships rather than to trust the children (of all ages) to let them develop naturally. Such anxiety from the adults can upset the children who are quite happy to let things develop at a natural pace. Let people be – they don’t need as much help as many adults may think.
My office — if anyone is interested. I call it The Dream Center
difficultrelationships.com 
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