You have met people who seem naturally combative, where every interaction is an argument waiting to happen. If you point out you may get, “So, what’s your point? You have a problem with that?”
For some, their goal is to fault-find, to criticize. Nothing is ever right or good, let alone perfect. If you draw attention to this proclivity you may get, “Someone has to keep things on track. Why have you left it up to me?”
Compliant people never put up a fuss or air an objection. “I don’t want to put anyone out. Offend anyone. I’ll do whatever you suggest so you don’t notice this about me in the future. Here, sorry, let me get out of your way.”
Grovelers – the obsequious – will do anything for a whiff of affirmation or acceptance. “I know he still loves me because at least he doesn’t notice me anymore,” said one woman about a break up, “he used to be angry when he saw me. That’s stopped now.”
These extremes — smidgeons of which (I believe) live in us all – are much deeper than expressions of so-called defense mechanisms. They are about survival. When everything “outside” is interpreted as out to get you, you have to do (or not do) or be (or not be) something.
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