I know, I know, it’s counter-intuitive

Defining yourself, setting your own personal goals as if you are alone in this world, and getting your focus off others will deepen your levels of connection and intimacy with others.

Authentic intimacy is contingent upon the development of a secure self. To work on your Self – to set goals, to develop and accomplish personal challenges – is not selfish. Not to do so, usually is.

Freeing others of their debts to you — gross or trivial, real or imagined — will increase your freedom or make you free. The resentments we collect poison our vision and taints all our relationships. Our resentments may be specific, targeted at one person or a few people, but the toxins that brew are generic and impact all of our insights and relationships.

All growth requires some loss and will probably illicit some grief no matter how much change is wanted or necessary. Men and women grieve the loss of even the worst of marriages and even the most abusive of circumstances. People become accustomed to the most trying of circumstances and will often grieve quite unexpectedly when those circumstances change.

“Getting a life” outside of your children and “outside” of your marriage is good for you, your children, your spouse, and for your marriage.

As I said, it’s counter-intuitive….