The Chess Metaphor
In healthy relationships there are no elements of either winning or losing. Relationships are not a game and are free of tactics and agenda.
They are open and transparent.
Healthy relationships enjoy respect, mutuality, and equality at every level.
Unfortunately not all relationships are healthy.
Do your closest relationships have you feeling as if you are a player in a game of chess with humans?
This metaphor may be helpful when considering the three “cancers” or toxic conditions of relationships:
MANIPULATION
This is playing chess with another person or with people. It’s maneuvering as if life were an attempt to checkmate others into loving us or into doing what we want the way we want it done. It can be very subtle and it can be very obvious. Hidden agendas abound.
DOMINATION
This is playing chess with another person or with people as in manipulation with an added twist. The difference is the one who seeks to dominate has removed the opponent’s pieces without declaring so and therefore seems always to have the upper hand or the advantage.
INTIMIDATION
This is playing chess with another person or with people where winning and losing comes with the threat of punishment or actual punishment. The punishment may include the silence game, withholding affection or money, or “forgetting” something the victim holds dear.
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