When I am angry, unsettled, off-kilter, I make KNEE-JERK and reactive “decisions” and they are usually decisions I regret.
It’s fight or flight.
It’s short-fuse, it’s blow-a-fuse behavior and it almost always requires an apology within a day or two, if not more immediately.
I’m far better at responding rather than reacting if I allow myself space and time, room to think things through, form an intelligent strategy, rather than shoot from the hip and create more material for clean up and apologies.
The former (anger and reactivity) is about fear and the need to protect.
Responding is about learning, about gaining objectivity, and guarding all people (not only myself) and trying to do what’s good for all involved.
Another thing I’ve repeatedly found (in retrospect) is that my knee-jerk reactions usually kick in to defend false assumptions, narratives existing in my head alone, and defending what’s not even necessarily threatened.
Reacting to others seldom lands me in a place I want to be and seldom leaves me proud of my behavior or the fallout from my actions.
Reacting rather than responding seldom leads to better, more trusting relationships.
Responding, at least, leaves room for love and goodwill to find a way.
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