There is no such thing as “no communication” – it is always happening. Even those who never speak to each other are communicating. Not speaking to each other says a lot!

Here are some signs of helpful (”good”) communication:

1. The presence of conflict is not considered negative.

2. Conflict is regarded as inevitable when sound-minded people share life.

3. Conflicts get resolved (sometimes) or a “solution” is approximated.

4. People can love and enjoy each other and disagree at the same time.

5. Everyone’s ideas are important and considered.

6. Hurt and fear and loneliness can be talked about without recrimination.

7. Being together is mostly enjoyable. When it is not, the family can talk about why it is not.

8. There are no subjects regarded as off limits but not everything has to be talked about immediately.

9. Winning, losing are not nearly as important as honoring, loving and respecting people.

10. Tension felt by anyone can be addressed when it is appropriate.

11. People do not corner each other in order to feel loved.

12. People affirm each other because they see the other person as worthy of affirmation, and not because they desire a particular result or effect.

13. People who love each other expand each other’s options rather than limit each other’s options.

14. Encouragement happens more than correction; correction is appreciated and considered.

15. Differences are encouraged rather than ignored or downplayed.