1.“Over working” for the other (absent or present) parent;
2. Getting between the child and teachers, friends, coaches as if the parent can and must protect the child from all consequences, inevitable dangers and everything negative;
3. Giving the child the impression that he or she is their reason for living, the very reason the sun rises on any new day;
4. Treating the child as if he or she is so different and so special that he or she will never really need to be accountable for his or her behavior, mistakes, or failures;
5. Allowing the agenda of the child to take precedence over all other agendas. (Where established plans with other people are sabotaged because a child chooses not to cooperate.);
6. Giving a child things (games, toys, and so forth) to make them happy, while refusing to offer correction, guidance, teaching, and boundaries, and so give the child the necessary tools for a fulfilled, mature future;
7. Speaking, thinking, feeling and interpreting the world for the child, rather than accepting that each child is a separate person, who is able to speak, think, feel and interpret the world, at ever increasing degrees him or herself.
Mistakes single parents make…
Ten reasons to have “You and Me” in your daily newspaper…
While there are more than TEN REASONS this advice column is different from Ann Landers, Dear Abby (and therefore a good juxtaposition to those very well-loved columns) I have listed the 10 that come immediately to mind:
1. Short. Takes 50 seconds to read and offers sound, to the point suggestions and advice.
2. Questions are not presented in full.
3. It is anonymous. Questions go to Rod@difficultrelationships.com
4. Submitted to newspapers in two-week packs by email or download before deadline (over 1000 segments are already available).
5. Segments sometimes follow a theme. One reader said it was “better than a soap opera.”
6. Sometimes the writer expresses a personal note about general relationship issues.
7. Allows immediate access to readers on the Internet.
8. Advice is focused on strength, sometimes funny, believes in the resilience of people and covers a very wide spectrum of issues.
9. Writer is a family therapist who teaches family therapy in several countries each year.
10.Style allows for brevity, anonymity and cutting to the chase.
How do I know if I am in a bad relationship?
Toxic (poisoned) relationships are tiring to say the least. Apart from requiring mounds of energy, they can be filled with threats, silence, manipulation, domination and intimidation. Toxic couples often attempt to drown their pain in drinking, drugs and lustful or vengeful sexual activity.
Toxicity is apparent when “old” arguments frequently resurface, feelings of loyalty and disloyalty rage within you, anger seems to come from nowhere and you have a very short fuse. Life feels like a giant game of chess that’s impossible to win.
Often toxic relationships start with intensely sexual experiences. A new person seemingly offers you everything you ever wanted and so you quickly invest yourself completely. After a short while it feels as if you have been handed a script where the entrances and exits are seldom within your power and you are an unwilling actor in someone else’s play.
Remember there are always more options available for your life than it might appear. Problems play hide-and-seek before they become full-blown and begin to make life unmanageable. Poison doesn’t usually happen overnight. It is helpful to identify some of these issues before they become a debilitating.
Do I have to lie for my husband?
Q: My husband is an alcoholic. I have to lie for him. He gets angry if I don’t
You don’t have to lie for anybody; not your husband, boss or mother. It’s always your choice. At the same time, I understand how telling the truth might be difficult.
Decide to tell the truth, first to your husband. Tell him your days of lying on his behalf are over and that you will tell the truth as clearly and as kindly as you are able, to everyone. Tell him he can lie for himself if he so chooses but you will no longer cover his tracks. You will probably face some short-lived backlash but, hold onto yourself, stand firm. Get the support you might need from a close friend.
Most alcoholics have people who unwittingly support their habit. Without blaming you for his behavior (for it is his arm that takes the glass to his mouth) I’d encourage you to see that every time you lie for him, you are making his behavior possible. You are supporting the very thing you know is ruining him and hurting you. Such behavior on your part serves no one, least of all the alcoholic.
difficultrelationships.com 