“I am battling to communicate with my two grandchildren (16 and 14). I can’t get them to enjoy a conversation with me. They only talk when I ask questions about school or sport or how they are. It’s a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ or ‘I don’t know.’ I get the traditional family hug when I visit and leave, but it is without any smile or sincerity. They never show any interest in me and when I’m visiting they’re on their cell phones or lounging on the couches watching TV. I give birthday and Christmas presents but never get a ‘thank you’ unless it’s prompted. Am I failing as a Grandparent? Help!”

I suggest there are millions of adolescents who would really want what you are offering. Any flaws, cracks in the context you describe probably originates with your grandchildren’s parents who have apparently tolerated this indifference. Perhaps their children also treat them in much the same way. 

If it is possible you may want to express the contents of your letter to the adults who are parenting your grandchildren. 

Be gentle. Use “I” statements. Describe your experiences. Suggest you hope for and want something a little better and need their help to get it. It is ok to express what you want so long as you are aware you may not get it, at least for now. 

Hopefully when everyone grows up things will change.