What is office or church or family gossip really about?
Why do people do it?
I am not referring to the content, the messy details.
Some people “enjoy” or feel the need and cannot resist speaking about others in degrading terms.
The gossiper does this because he or she feels uncomfortable with you – yes, the one to whom he or she unloads the gossip.
Sharing juicy details about an absent person gives the speaker a sense of importance, a feel of being in on something with you, closer to you than you really are, a false sense of intimacy. You have been verbally trapped in a toxic, harmful manner.
You are “in the middle” and the gossiper has the sense that you two are close and the victim is on the “outside.”
Gossip is never glue. Gossip never leads to deeper friendships.
Want out?
Try:
“Have you talked directly to him about what you are telling me?”
“Why are you talking to me about someone who is not here to speak for herself?”
“What’s wrong with our friendship that you think I will join you in gossip?”
“If you can talk this way about her when she’s not here, I wonder how you talk about me when I am not around?”
difficultrelationships.com 
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