Willing, pushing, shoving, urging, steering, strong-arming, using charm, using unspoken bribery, emitting sharp glances of anger – silent and emotional bullying – can all be done, sometimes simultaneously, without saying so much as a single word.
Lovers can do it to each other. (“He gives me ‘that’ look.”)
Parents do it to their children. (“Mom, you are using your ‘be quiet’ eyes.”)
Children try it with their parents. (“It you don’t give me your phone NOW I am going to throw a tantrum.”)
Whenever one person uses such attempts at modifying the behavior of another, the target knows it, and will want to resist it, unless there are immediate short-term benefits.
Playing along can have desired rewards.
No one likes to have their will, their freedoms, their autonomy messed with – not even for love.
Long-term use of such pressures (even if it’s “for his/her own good”) will be resisted, then ignored, and ultimately rejected.
It is in recognizing and stopping such behaviors that people learn to leave each other alone is the healthiest sense.
When people give up the pinning stares, their “be quiet” eyes and the “don’t you dare mention that” flick of the face, the targets will enjoy autonomy from controlling impulses and be free to explore who they really are, and, everybody wins.
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