How to heal a broken heart — can I get over this?

by Rod Smith

Reader: I have had a breakup with someone who was everything to me. I can hardly sleep. I think of nothing but him. I cry everyday. I don’t want to eat. I am losing weight. I am closing myself off to other people. Can a person survive such heartbreak? (Letter shortened)

Rod Replies: Writing, the very act of getting your words onto a page might be an important first step in re-discovering your life. I’d suggest you keep a journal of your gained strengths and small victories. While the journal might include details of your pain, be careful not to make it the focus of your writing.

May I suggest, as kindly as I know how, that the next time you fall in love, you have enough of a life of your own, so that you will not need to invest yourself quite so completely in another. Not even a spouse ought to be anyone’s “everything.” Making anyone “everything” creates a lot of pressure for even the healthiest of relationships.

While you might not think it to be true, a broken heart can completely heal. Even though, at this early stage of your healing you may feel like hiding from others, I’d suggest you force yourself to re-enter the world through a few trusted relationships.

3 Comments to “How to heal a broken heart — can I get over this?”

  1. Cecilia's avatar

    When this happened to me a long time ago, it took me a year to stop crying every day and night and another six months to open myself up to the new world around me. I have gotten married, happily, but there is still a special place for him in my heart. Is this still normal?

  2. .'s avatar

    Of course you can get over him. It happens every day to millions of people. You’re not alone.
    Cecilia, yes. Sometimes you never get over the pain of loss. It doesn’t mean that you want to reaquaint yourself with this lost love, it just means that you have fond memories of it. It is part of your history, part of who you are. There’s nothing abnormal about that.

  3. kaleidoscopegirl's avatar

    Rod, your words about not investing oneself completely in another are so true. I’ve regularly done that, and it leads only to disappointment.

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