Reader’s Question: My girlfriend keeps in touch with her ex-boyfriend. She says this is normal and should not bother me. I think messaging him almost everyday, phoning him on her way home almost every night, and talking to him more than she talks to me is a bit much. If I make too much of it she says I am jealous. I tried to ignore it. I cannot. Please help. (Letter revised to isolate central issue)
Rod’s response: It seems your girlfriend is not ready to fully separate from her ex, to the point where he is truly an ex. Her lingering connection, demonstrated by her ongoing communication, suggests she is not sufficiently emotionally disconnected from him, or ready to be fully focused on her relationship with you.
You might have noticed romantic and emotional connection is only possible with one other person at a time. Any attempts at multiple, romantic and emotional connections usually cause severe problems for all who try it, or who are victims of such attempts.
I’d suggest you recognize her lack of focus by suggesting she explore her residual hankerings, while you agree to sever your ties with her so as not to cause her any interference while she determines what it is she wants.
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