REQUEST FOR ADVICE: I am divorced. My son (15) and I live with my partner who is a wonderful man. Every second weekend our home is miserable because his son (9) comes to stay. I find my partner’s son very manipulative. My partner cannot see anything wrong and I am told I continuously pick on his son. I have rules in my home with which my son must abide and when his son comes to visit the same rules apply. Because I am blamed constantly and told that I don’t like his son, it is becoming a reality. I would greatly appreciate some advice. (Letter edited)
ROD’S REPLY: If your partner is so wonderful marry him. This will give you a legal platform for a relationship with his child and then you can legitimately refer to his house – your letter suggests you are living with him – as your home.
In the meantime I’d suggest you (and your son) find alternative accommodation every second weekend while you research what it is about you that a nine-year-old child can wield has so much power over you.
Adult behavior is very important in setting the framework for a child’s behavior. Neither adult is presently offering this boy a stable, trustworthy context and of course he is going to learn to manipulate!
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