“Last month I met a man and things are heading towards sex. Should I ask him to have tests for sexually transmitted diseases before we are intimate?”

Yes. Since you find the idea of sex with strangers acceptable, such tests, for each of you, would be a good idea. I will not, given that you are adults, attempt to dissuade you from performing “intimate” acts outside of a context of a stable relationship, but you might consider getting to know this person, and perhaps even marrying him, before you take so sacred a step. (I have said “intimate” because you might be naked but there it is very unlikely there will be any authentic intimacy – intimacy takes YEARS).

I challenge you to tell this person that you do not enter deep relationships with men until you have seen what they are like under pressure, seen how they treat their parents, children, street people, waiters, bank tellers, and helpless animals. Tell him you do not build relationships with men who are in debt, who do not give generously to the poor.

Love, commitment, honesty, integrity, the things people usually want from an intimate relationship, are impossible to achieve with someone you have just met and these qualities are unlikely to emerge in a relationship when sexual behavior occurs before the relationship is sufficiently developed.

Posted on December 29, 2005 at 8:55 pm in Sex matters   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL