My wife and I have had a wonderful marriage but I would prefer her to spend less money on our sons who are 18 and 19. They can be quite demanding but do not have to be: she spends money on them anyway! She becomes very defensive when I “interfere” with what she does with the money I earn. I think she spoils the boys and they get whatever they want out of her. My sons never approach me about money because they know I am more likely to refuse their requests. Any ideas? (Letter shortened)

Good luck trying to change this dynamic! This pattern did not begin yesterday and it is unlikely to be broken tomorrow. Tell your wife what you’d prefer and you may get it. The easier solution is simply for your to earn more money so she has even more to spend!

If you get tough and demanding, you will simply drive your wife’s behavior underground. This is an expression of your family’s way of life. Mom is the easy touch for the sons and mother knows how to handle dad. Enjoy your wife and sons despite the annoying (and expensive) collusion.