He will not consider counseling because he hasn’t been in love with me for the last 10 years…

by Rod Smith

“I have been married for 20 years. My soon to be ex-husband is 18 years older than me. We had children from previous marriages and one child together. After about ten years of marriage I started going out to bars and staying out late. When I look back I am not sure why I did this. He threatened divorce and I never did it again. He now wants a divorce because he says I have not truly treated him as an equal partner and that I gave up caring. I love him with all my heart. He will not consider counseling because he says he loves me and cares about me but hasn’t been in love with me for the last 10 years and so there isn’t anything to work on. I can’t imagine my life without him and it is so hard because he won’t see me to talk face to face because he says he has too much anger towards me. I know I need to find myself. I just want another chance.”

The client’s presented issue is seldom the issue. This is not about bars or staying out late ten years ago. Take up your life, woman – he doesn’t want to be married. Don’t waste your future on him.

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